Caffeine Addicts Annonymous…or something

I woke up to the sound of my husband’s phone ringing.

“What time is it?”  I mumbled into my pillow.

“7:30,” Man answered as he rolled back to spoon me, wrapping his arm around my waist.

“Crap.  I’m supposed to meet Robby and Kathy for breakfast at 8.”

“Who are you?” he asked into my hair as he tightened his snuggle.  “Who is this woman in my bed?”

“Ugh.  I know.  What was I thinking?  I haven’t seen Kathy in weeks though and I’m trying hard not to neglect friends and family while doing a show.”

I wriggled a bit from his grip and reached for my glasses on the nightstand.  I sort of found them but they fell off the stand.  I heard them hit the frame of our sleigh bed.  Grumbling, I fumbled some more until I fished out my glasses.

Raising them to my face I…

“What the hell?  Unbelievable,” I say as I hold up only half of my glasses.  They broke right on the bridge of the nose piece.

“How did you do that?”  Man asked.

“I don’t know.  I just…I woke up and then…things…questions…broken glasses.  I need coffee.”


I half rolled, half fell out of bed and felt my way out of the bedroom, and took a little trip over the dog.  I’m legally blind without the aid of glasses or contacts and I was still asleep.  Somehow, I made it to the bathroom and found my contact case.  I keep it in the same spot every night just in case something like this happens.

I texted my friends.  “Just woke up.  I’ll be a little late.”  I threw on my clothes from last night, which were still on the floor, stumbled into my flip flops and headed out.

When I arrived at the restaurant, Robby and her man, Steve, were sitting at a table out front.

“Hey, Just Woke Up,” Robby greeted.  My hair was still holding the curl from last nights performance but the back…apparently I weaved a few dreadlocks into it while I slept.  “Get in there and get yourself a mimosa.”

“Coffee,” I growled.

I entered the tiny little mountain café and approached their tiny little mountain café bar.

“I’m with the couple outside.  We’re waiting for the rest of our party.  Could I get some coffee?”

I thought that I had presented my self well but the server answered, “Sure!  You ok?”

“Yeah…just…I had to drive and stuff.  Before coffee.”

“We understand!” she said as she placed a mug of coffee in my hand.  I pocketed a creamer, sugar and spoon and joined Robby and Steve on the front patio.  I had only just doctored my coffee the way I like it when Kathy and Bob arrived.  The server quickly seated us at the one large top table in the café.

I sort of fell into my seat at the table and as I did, spilled my coffee.  Robby aided me in mopping up my loss with the few napkins already on the table.

We ate.  I had my mug o’ drugs, managed what I think was civil conversation and then we headed out.  This is a seemingly simple task but I mis-stepped off the curb onto my ankle.  Steve grabbed me, preventing me from going down to my knee.

“The caffeine.  It’s not taken effect yet,” I grimaced.  My ankle seemed to be fine but the outside of my calf muscle was achy.

I made it to my car.  As I began the drive home I notice the inside of my thigh was aching as well and, as I type this, my shoulder.

“It’s your own fault,” My Man said when I got home.  “You know better.  What were you thinking trying to function at these hours?”

He’s so right.  Let me explain to you Morning People what it’s like to be Not A Morning Person.

Every morning it’s like I’m re-born.  Not in a Praise Jesus I Have A New Heart And Soul kind of way but more like a screaming baby Why Did You Take Me From The Warmth and Darkness Of My Mother’s Womb kind of way.  The light is blinding, the noise is deafening and it’s cold.  So cold.

The first time I was born, I was given a grace period of like 2-3 years to really figure out the whole walking and talking thing.  With these daily re-births I’m expected to have those things MASTERED in 2-3 seconds!  As soon as the children know I’m awake there are questions being asked, the dogs think I can manage to walk through the house to let them out AND maneuver around them…it’s insanity!

My Man bought me a Keurig for my nightstand and for several months, I’ve been waking up at 6:45 a.m. to the sound and smell of percolating coffee!  It’s been LOVELY!  Without leaving the comfort and safety of my bed, I have been having my coffee.  When the mug is empty, I slowly begin my ascent into the day.  After that one mug of coffee, I can just about Adult and shiz.  It’s been glorious until…this month.

Caffeine is no friend to arthritic joints.  For a month my hands and feet have been perpetually aching.  Last week, I switched to half-caf and I could tell a difference after one day.  This week, I did decaf.  It’s harder to start the day but the pain in my joints was just a whisper.  However,  this morning shows how with out caffeine I break my glasses, spill coffee fall and scare the locals.  I’m torn between my addiction and the pain it brings to my body and being a functional adult human again.

Is there a program for caffeine addicts?  Is there a way for Morning People to understand the real struggle of the Not A Morning Person?


About buddyandbug

Man and I moved from Texas to Colorado with Buddy and Bug. This blog is a chronicle of our adventures as we deal with homesickness and adjust to Mountain Living. “If you are a dreamer,come in. If you are a dreamer, a wisher, a liar, a hoper, a prayer, a magic-bean-buyer. If you're a pretender, come sit by my fire, for we have some flax-golden tales to spin. Come in! Come in!” ~ Shel Silverstein
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