Late this afternoon, a young friend asked for a ride to the hospital to visit her brother. When I picked her up, I asked for directions. She immediately pulled the information up on her phone and I obediently followed The Voice as it helped me to maneuver out of the mountains and into the city.
“Call me if you have a hard time finding your way home,” my friend said when I dropped her off.
I sat in my parked car and decided to do something I had never done before. I used the navigation on my own phone!
“Head left toward Bannock, then turn left onto Bannock,” the feminine, though emotionless voice from the phone directed.
I obeyed her orders. Things still looked very unfamiliar…and sketchy… I locked my doors.
“Turn left onto Speer,” she instructed.
After a few more turns I started to get a feel for where I was.
Look at me! I’m getting around in the city! Using technology! I feel so modern! I was really starting to feel proud of myself! A few more directions and I was confronted by construction. The Lady Voice told me to do something but I couldn’t remember what because I was busy trying to read the road construction signs.
Poop… What did *she* say? Oh wait! There’s 25. I know that one… 25 to Colorado Springs. Yeah…I feel like I’ve gone that way before… I thought to myself. Myself sounded right and so, despite what the Lady Voice had said to do (or was it?), I exited onto 25 for Colorado Springs.
I immediately could tell that was the wrong thing to do. It could get me home but not as directly.
I waited for the navigation to reroute me.
Come on, Siri…get me out of here… Wait…is her name Siri? I don’t think that’s the same thing. Ugh. I’m hungry. I’m hungry and I’m kind of lost. This is what I get for thinking for myself. Let’s see…Santa Fe…I kind of think that would take me to 285…no…Broadway…no…
The Lady Voice stayed silent. I decided that maybe she was too lost to help.
Stupid navigation! Why won’t she tell me where to go?! I’m not really lost. I mean, I’ve never been to this area but I know this road will eventually get me to a familiar place. I’m hungry. I should’ve let the soothing Lady Voice have complete control.
At last I saw a sign for a highway I know well: 285! 285 runs straight to the foothills and into the mountains. 285 takes me HOME! I expected the Lady Voice to confirm that my decision to exit onto 285 was correct but she still remained silent.
You’re bitter. You’re mad because I’m finding my way home with out you. Dumb. Oh my gosh, Broadway again! Siri! Speak to me! Is this the right way or not?!
After quite some time of stop and go traffic on 285 I was finally in familiar surroundings.
Santa Fe! All roads lead to Santa Fe. OK. I’m officially un-lost. I know EXACTLY where I am! No thanks to you, stupid Siri.
The rest of the drive was pretty uneventful and then about 1 minute from the house…
“Turn right onto This Street. Your destination is on the left.”
“Are you kidding me?”
“Your destination is on the left. You have arrived at your destination.”
Moral of the story:
Never think for yourself, especially when you’re hungry.
If you do not follow a woman’s directions, virtual or real, she will give you the silent treatment.