Federal Bureau Investigation

While we were in Houston, Mom had a gift for the boys.  They are actually hand-me-downs from her school.  They no longer wanted them but Mom new Buddy and Bug would enjoy them and so when they came to stay with her she gave them 4 president dolls.  They are Ken-doll sized and they give speeches when you press their lapel.  The boys received Theodore Roosevelt, Ronald Regan and both Bush Senior and Junior.  They were disappointed to not get an Obama…

The boys would set up play in Nana’s library/study, complete with a little stage where the presidents could present their speeches. 
They laid back on pillows and read the little booklets that came with each doll telling about their presidencies. 

Once, while they were playing, I walked by and Bug was trying to tell Buddy something fascinating that he had just read about Roosevelt.

“HUSH!” Buddy scolded.  “For goodness sakes!  Can’t you see President Regan is giving a speech?!”

They got a lot of play out of their new toys until speeches were beginning to slur and the presidents’ voices were dropping in octaves.  They needed new batteries. 

I looked all over the box to see what size battery they required but it didn’t say.  We checked the little booklets that came with, but nothing!

“I think the batteries go in their backs,” Mom said.

So began an odd and somewhat perverse afternoon of undressing the former Presidents of The United States.  Everything on their outfits was accurate.  Real cuff links.  Real ties that we loosened and then slipped over their heads because there was no way in anywhere that we were going to sit there trying to re-tie them.  They all had different suits.  Theodore’s was a three piece with suspenders (which was aggravating to remove) and George W. had on cowboy boots instead of dress shoes.

But the best part of all was their underwear!  Yes, the batteries went in their backs so it didn’t really have to come to this, but curiosity got the best of us!  First was Regan.

“Boxers.  Nice!  I was worried they’d just have the Ken-doll nudie-tighties,” I said to Mom.

She didn’t hear me though because she was doubled over laughing.  Bug’s laugh was bubbling with hers.

“What’s so funny?” I asked.  “What?”

“Roosevelt has Teddy Bears on his!!!”  Bug shouted through laughter and gasping breaths.

Now Buddy and I were cracking up.  We now had to see what everyone else was wearing!  Each president was stripped to his skivvies.

Senior had CIA underwear and Junior had Texas flag undies.

“Man, I wish we had a Clinton!” I laughed.

“Oh ho!  No joke!” Mom howled.

“Why?” Buddy asked, confused why we would be laughing so hard.

“Nothing!” Mom and I said in unison.

I kind of need to get his doll now.  What’s under there?  Boxers or briefs?  Banana Hammock?  Who knows!

The presidents were now mostly naked on the couch and I snapped shots because I knew I would have to blog about this. 

“Um…is this….LEGAL?” Buddy asked uncomfortably.

“Is what legal?” I laughed.

“I mean….you’re taking pictures of the presidents in their underwear.  This doesn’t seem OK.”

“Oh stop being such an old man!  It would only be wrong if they were REAL people.  These are just dolls.

After the photo shoot and the howling ended I went to the store and bought new batteries.  At home Mom had prepared a place for presidential “surgery.”  She had to unscrew the hatch on their back, insert the battery and screw the cover back on.  That was nothing.  Re-dressing these guys was a pain in the butt.  Very uncooperative!

I don’t know if this reads as funny as the actual events but I’m sure the following pictures will help.  This is just one of the many ways I am warping my children.  But honestly, this was a big reason why I had them. 




About buddyandbug

Man and I moved from Texas to Colorado with Buddy and Bug. This blog is a chronicle of our adventures as we deal with homesickness and adjust to Mountain Living. “If you are a dreamer,come in. If you are a dreamer, a wisher, a liar, a hoper, a prayer, a magic-bean-buyer. If you're a pretender, come sit by my fire, for we have some flax-golden tales to spin. Come in! Come in!” ~ Shel Silverstein
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