I’m not really sure how to begin this blog or even why I feel compelled to write it because, seriously, who really cares what I think or where I stand on things? It’s probably a really bad idea as I’m pretty sure I’m going to offend people on both sides of this issue. (That sounds like me. At least I’m consistent.) But here goes: Why I’m Happy With The Supreme Court Decision To Be Rid Of DOMA.
Growing up I was taught that homosexuality was wrong and a sin against God. Thankfully, I was also taught to love everyone, as Christ does. “Love the sinner, not the sin” was often preached. I didn’t know any gay or lesbian people, to my knowledge. I suspected that little boy in my elementary school was gay. Though I didn’t really know what that was, it was evident he was different. In Jr. High there were always rumors/accusations of one child or another being gay. I recall becoming incensed with rage because this boy was teasing me about my name and my father’s name, Gaylord.
“Well, that explains why your parents gave you a BOYS name. Obviously, they’re GAY!”
I lost a fight with tears and yelled at him that he was “obviously” an IDIOT because if they were gay they wouldn’t be married to people of the opposite sex and they wouldn’t have had kids with each other! Obviously!
In high school the accusations of who was gay and who wasn’t were still whispered through the halls and there was a lesbian couple who was out and open about their relationship. It wasn’t until after high school though that I learned of the friends who were gay and that had kept it to themselves or were unsure themselves for years.
I attended a Woman’s University for half of my college career. Even at that age I can recall people asking, “Why would you do that? Are you gay?” Or warnings that attending an all woman school would subject me to lesbians.
And it did.
I’m so glad it did because some of my dearest friends were made at Texas Woman’s University and they are lesbians. The fact that they are lesbian is not a plus or a minus, it just is who they are. Since the majority of my friends were lesbians I began to behave like a lesbian and eventually they turned me into a full blown dyke.
Ha ha! I crack myself up! Contrary to what some people believe, consorting with homosexuals did not effect my great affection for men. Didn’t even make me question it once. There was no experimenting or wondering. If that was the case, wouldn’t they become straight from hanging out with us? Dumb.
Anywhoo, as is my way, my new friends (gay and straight alike) soon learned of my faith as a Christian. It’s a huge part of who I am and so anyone near and dear to me is aware of that fact. They know I’ll pray for them. They know I am not with out sin but can walk my life in grace.
The subject of homosexuality and Christianity came up once or twice (to say the least). I let the girls know that I loved them, “but not your lifestyle.” They knew that I believed them to be sinful for being attracted to other women. They also knew that I really truly was their friend. It was not long before a sign was posted on my dorm room door of an upside down pink triangle, stating that this was a safe place for gays, lesbians, transgender people and the list went on. I can’t recall it all. My room mate was concerned that we would soon have a line of lesbians outside of our door or that people would think we were lesbians. I got a new room mate the next semester. I got a new room mate every semester actually. Eventually, I roomed with one of those lesbians I was friends with, Toni. She was the best one!
There were questions about that too. “Don’t you worry that she’s looking at you while you change?” Well…no…never thought about it. “What if she brings her girlfriend to your room?” Well, I suppose I would handle that the same way I would when my straight room mates brought their boyfriends to our room. I’d watch.
Gotchya again! Oh my gosh! I am having fun with this!
Toni and I had a great affection and respect for one another. After Man proposed to me, I asked Toni to be one of my bridesmaids. She gleefully accepted! (You rocked that dress too, girl!) One night we were out with the lesbos and they asked that if they came to my wedding could they dance with each other at the reception. Toni didn’t give me a chance to answer for myself:
“No you may not! These are Christian people and you are not going to do anything that will take attention away from the bride and groom!”
Well, I was actually about to say, “Sure ladies!” but Toni had a point. I want all eyes on ME ME ME! Ha ha ha!
Toni stood with me in my wedding. She was there when my first baby was born. She was at his Baby Dedication at church and his first birthday… (T, that tricycle you got him lasted us for YEARS!)
Fast-forward 15 years and now Toni is getting married. To a woman (if you weren’t following.) She’s asked me to stand her wedding! I agreed as long as I was the prettiest and thinnest bridesmaid.
“Ha ha! Hands down,” she promised. “Though there is a Queen or two that will stand with you.”
“Wait…not that really beautiful guy?”
“No. He’s not a bridesmaid. He’s marrying us.”
“Well…I guess that’s OK…” As if anyone ever upstages a bride let alone TWO brides! I’ve seen their dresses. Gorgeous.
One day Toni text me that she was upset because some of her “friends” were not going to come to her wedding.
“They don’t approve! I thought they were my friends! How come as a Christian, you don’t have a problem with it?”
Over the past decade or so I’ve seen my gay and lesbian friends alike, with their partners. Some have great relationships. Some…not so great. Just like my straight friends. There are differences to be sure. If there weren’t, why would any of us have a preference one way or the other? I’ve had the opportunity to observe very loving couples. I have gay friends who are Christians too. I know that’s hard for some to wrap their heads around. How can you be a Christian who lives a sinful lifestyle? Ha ha ha! Millions do everyday.
Namely, this girl! *two thumbs pointed to my chest*
I know. That’s not the same because I try to remove the sin in my life when I recognize it. Homosexual Christians do not because they don’t see their lifestyle as sinful. And is it?
I began to do a lot of prayerful research. One of the biggest arguments from my fellow Christians that I hear is the tale of Sodom and Gomorrah. God destroyed that city because it was sinful and there were sexual deviants, homosexuals, there. That’s not what I read in my Bible. It says, “Because the outcry of Sodom and Gammorah is great, and because their sin is very grave, I will go down now and see whether they have done altogether according to the outcry against it that has come to Me.” (thus sayeth the Lord.) But Abraham interceded and asked God, “Would you destroy the righteous with the wicked? If there are 50 righteous men in the city would you spare it?” (This is me paraphrasing. I’m not a biblical scholar.) God checked it out and there were not even 50 righteous men in the whole city. Abraham continues to ask God to spare the righteous and gets the count down to 10. If there were 10 good men in the city, God would spare it. Well, we know that doesn’t happen.
So where does the gay part come in? There were two men who came to the city (I think they were angels but again…I’m no scholar…) they were greeted by a righteous man named Lot. Lot took the men into his home for shelter and protection. In the night the men of the city, young and old, surrounded the house and demanded that Lot give the strangers in his home to them that they may know them carnally.
So the whole city is gay. Or, if you study the Bible and the culture and times of which it was written, you may learn that this was a sort of flexing of muscles. The men of the city would rape foreigners as a dog humps another to show dominance and who’s in charge. This was not a homosexual thing it was an Alpha Male thing. It was to shame their enemies and to demean them. So I don’t believe that Sodom was a city of gay men. That’s San Francisco.
This will offend many but I don’t take the Bible at it’s word. (Oh boy…) There is so much that has to be considered in the language, culture, and time it was written. The Bible has been interpreted so many times in so many different times of our history and from Hebrew to English….I wouldn’t be surprised if things were lost in translation. For example the English language has one word for love. I love pizza. I love My Man. I love my sister. I don’t love any of those things the same. Well…I love my sister almost as much as pizza. In whatever original language the Bible was written (Hebrew?) there is a different word for love between friends and love between family and love between lovers. So I can’t just read this King James Version and believe each thing literally.
The Bible says a lot of things that we don’t follow now. According to the Bible women should not be allowed to speak in church. Women shouldn’t cut their hair. Women shouldn’t do a lot of things according to the Bible because in the time that it was written we were considered to be pretty worthless. In fact, in the story of Sodom and Gomorrah, the righteous man, Lot called out to the men of the city to take his two virgin daughters instead of the guests in his home. “And you may do to them as you wish,” he said.
And what about preserving the sanctity of marriage? That argument sickens me most of all. If you want to preserve the sanctity of marriage, stay married. The percentage of Christians who divorce is the same as the rest of the world. The percentage of those Christian marriages that have fallen due to infidelity is the same as the rest of the world. Once upon a time it was illegal to have an affair. Maybe it should go to that again, I mean…if we’re going to make sins illegal. To claim that your marriage is more holy and pure simply because one of you is male and the other is female is preposterous! Absolute poppycock!
I have gay and lesbian friends who hear from God. He speaks to them and they pray to Him and they have ministered to me and my life. Besides the story of Sodom and Gomorrah there are a few verses that says homosexuality is a sin. Again, I don’t know how it was interpreted that way but it’s there. So I pray and I ask God, how is that so? Or is it? Sometimes when I pray God is quick to answer me. In other times he is silent and there are mysteries of life that remain as such. When that happens and I don’t know what to do I always refer to Mark 12:29 “The greatest commandment is this: Love the Lord your God with all your heart and all your soul. The second is ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no other commandment greater than these.”
Is it loving to prevent people from the pursuit of happiness? Is it loving to keep them from being able to marry one another and to have the same rights as others to make decisions for the dying loved one, to take sick leave to care for their family, whatever that looks like, with out being docked pay, have the protections and even the taxes that come from marriage? Whether they are sinners or not, I really don’t care. That’s between them and God. My job, clearly, is to love. I think the Supreme Court decision is one of love. Romans 13:8 says “Love does no harm to a neighbor; therefore love is the fulfillment of the law.”