Before I left for Paris I learned that my new friend, Alicia, was a physical trainer and nutritionist before moving here. With two beach weddings on the horizon and my upcoming role in Jekyll and Hyde, I decided to utilize her knowledge and affinity for torture and hired her to get me in shape.
For the past month, Alicia, my travel companions, Caren and Robby and I have been meeting at the park for Boot Camp, AKA hell. There we run and burpee and lunge and mountain climb and plank and whatever else Alicia barks at us. One hour, twice a week.
For one hour, twice a week, she is no longer my friend. I can’t stand her. Or Caren and Robby. Or life for that matter. I boil with bitterness while I work out, so mad I am that this is necessary for healthy living.
Then Alicia had me add the MyFitnessPal App to my phone. With it I can record what I’m eating as it adds up my calories and calculates my carb, protein and fat ratios. I can “friend” Alicia to my profile and she sees what I’m eating.
“You don’t eat enough calories,” Alicia noted. “You need more calories and more carbs.”
Stop the press! This goes against everything I believe in. Carbs and extra calories are bad! We’ve all heard that if you don’t eat then your body thinks you are starving and goes into survivor mode, storing fat. Apparently I eat just enough to make my body do that.
“It’s just that I’m really busy and so sometimes I don’t eat lunch or I don’t eat it until 3:30 and then I’m not hungry for dinner. It’s not that I’m trying NOT to eat, it’s that I don’t have food available,” I explained.
“Then get some. Keep nuts in your purse or these,” she said as she tossed a prepackaged tuna snack…thingy. “You need to eat more calories and more often.”
“K. More carbs? Really? Because I was just about to go on a no to low carb diet before these beach weddings get here.”
“Have you had success with that in the past?”
“Well, yes. I usually lose about 6 lbs in 8 weeks. Eight miserable weeks.”
“Carbs are really important. Never, never cut out your carbs. This doesn’t mean eat lots of bread and potatoes. You can maybe have two Whole Wheat super-good-for-you grains and then the rest of your carb intake needs to come from fruits and vegetables. No fruit after 3:00 p.m. though, but I would say 50% of your diet needs to be carbs.”
Insert internal struggle here.
Alicia is on vacay now though, so I’m on my own. Sort of. She’s still spying on me on My Fitness Pal. Got a message from her last night: “Not near enough calories! More FOOD not just calories to fill the chart.”
Wha?! I’m not hungry!!! You don’t tell me what to do, lady! Oh yeah…I hired you to tell me what to do. Dumb.
My goal is to walk the 3 mile loop every day except Tuesday and Thursday. I can do Body Pump those two days. Still need to do today’s work out…
I always find that when I’m getting myself in order it makes me want to get everything together so I’ve been really on top of the laundry and house keeping as well. Summer is my Spring Cleaning time I guess.
I cleaned out my closet and dresser a couple of weeks ago and dropped it all off at Goodwill. Today, I was there shopping for costume supplies for Bug’s performance in Aladdin Jr. and I saw a few of my things hanging on the racks. Ha! So weird.
Saturday, while Bug was in rehearsal, I ran outside around the building. Before I took off, I reapplied my sunscreen. My face felt grainy and scaly!
What’s this? I wondered. My skin has been feeling great!
In March I started using the line that my esthetician recommends. My skin has been soft, supple, and taught. I’ve loved it. I’ve used it for months now so it couldn’t be the new products causing this as they are no longer in the “new” criteria anymore. I made an appointment with a dermatologist and set out on my run.
After the run my allergies were amok. I next made an appointment with my general physician to get my allergy meds refilled. With our trip to Texas coming up I knew I would be in need of those. Besides, maybe this…grainy skin business is an allergic reaction of some sort.
Went to the dermatologist. He took a comb and gently brushed my hair back from my face (loved that BTW. So soothing…) and he examined my skin under a light and magnifying glass.
“Looks like a very mild case of eczema,” he diagnosed.
“Really…” I said with a little surprise. I’ve never had eczema before.
“Yes. Very mild. This cream should help. Have you been doing anything different. Exposed to more sun…different products…exercising?”
“Well, I started a new line of product in March…”
“Yeah, that’s not really new…”
“I’ve been exercising outside. A Boot Camp type thing. I always wear sun screen though. And a hat.”
“Ah. That may be it. The combination of the sun, the dryness here, the sweat then evaporating and leaving salt deposits behind…”
“So…it sounds like you’re saying…this Boot Camp thing is probably not good for me….” I tried to lead him.
“Well…not exactly. I’m saying, you’re skin is adjusting to this new activity but it will adjust and balance out. Again, this is a very mild case. It doesn’t itch?”
“Yeah, and it’s not even visible…”
“So…no more working out. No more Boot Camp.”
“Moisture is the key. Use these two products and you’ll be good.”
Next up was my general physician.
“It’s that time of year again,” he said. “Plus with the fires…the smoke carries all types of allergens from the burned vegetation,” he said.
“So, I should stay inside more.”
“Well, inside your dealing with things there as well. I imagine you don’t have AC so the windows are open anyway, then you have your kids and pets carrying in things from outside and as you clean and sweep you are getting a direct hit with stuff.”
“I see. So, you are prescribing that I not clean house…”
“Ha ha! No. On the contrary, don’t let it build up. Take some Flonase and I’ll prescribe this just in case that isn’t enough.”
I don’t know about you folks but what I’m hearing is that this Getting My Act Together stuff is detrimental to my health! Despite the loss of an inch around my waist, the tone in my legs, the absence of belly bloat and back pain; despite the pleasure my family and I have in a freshly dusted, swept and vacuumed home…I’m destroying my skin and wreaking havoc on my ear, nose and throat.
The madness must stop!
I’m joking, Alicia. I’m joking! Calm yourself down. Geez.
See you in August.