That’s Just The Way It Is

Change is inevitable.  We often don’t like it but change is a good thing.  It’s a sign of growth.  There are some things, however, that one does not want to see grow, like our ass or a pimple or a tumor.  When these things spring up in our lives we do what we can to stop this bad change. 

If our yard is infested with weeds we don’t sigh and say, “well, things have changed.”  No.  We go out and pull as many as we can or we hose the offensive growth with weed killer.  If a tumor is invading a part of our bodies we remove it or attack it with chemo therapy.  Worst comes to worse we remove the infected part of our body all together to keep the tumor from spreading to the remaining healthy parts.  Some changes we need to accept with grace and grow with it.  Other changes we need to resist and annihilate.

My last post was about sex education in our school.  I’m not opposed to sex ed or to sex, for that matter.  I think both are good.  Really good… (I digress!  Where am I?  Sex ed!)  Some students don’t have an active parent who will discuss these things with their child.  We can’t let those kids go to figure it out themselves.  It’s too important a topic with permanent consequences.  I think active parents should remain so, regardless of a schools involvement. 

I’m getting off subject a bit though because what I want to discuss is how sex has changed.  In response to my last blog post, my sister responded by saying, “We learned about how the body changes when we were in 5th grade but that was 20 years ago.  Times have changed.”

She’s right.  Things are very different now than 20 years ago.  Quite frankly though, I don’t give a flying slug.  I think this is the kind of change that needs to be fought, not accepted. 

Those who know me know that I’m not the kind of woman who just blindly does what she’s told. Well…for the most part.  I can think of some instances…but when it comes to my children, my responsibilities; No one is telling me how to care for them.  You can make suggestions but I ultimately call the shots.  I protect my children and my role as their mother, fiercely.

So right now the world is saying that sex is not only good but it’s the most important thing.  Sex can be casual.  In fact, casual sex is best (and then in fine print: use protection.)  You often see couples on TV having spontaneous and flippant sexual encounters.  They rarely slow the passion down a minute to use protection.  The assumption is that SHE is taking some sort of birth control.  Oh good. So glad she’s done that.  What about your nasty wanker, Mr?  Where else have you been dipping it in?  Cover that junk up!  Sometimes, television/movies will briefly highlight that but not often.  Watch Grey’s Anatomy and count how many times they have sex without protection.  Plot out who has slept with who?  They’ve all screwed each other. 

To quote Dr. Miranda Bailey:  “All you people ever think about is how to get into somebody’s pants!  You’re nasty!”

I wish her voice of reason was louder on that show.  It pipes in every now and again, in between all of the whiz bang, if you know what I mean.

The truth is “casual sex” is an oxymoron.  I recently read an article that quoted a line from the movie Vanilla Sky.  Cameron Diaz’s character asks her ex-boyfriend, “Don’t you know that when you sleep with someone, your body makes a promise whether you do or not?”  I’ve heard it time and again from my girlfriends after having sex with someone:  Sex complicates things.  There is a spiritual or emotional entanglement that occurs when you have sex with someone. 

One friend of mine had a “casual” encounter with a man who then ended up being someone she saw on a regular basis.  She said, “You can never un-know a man.”  So well said!  There will always be that entanglement and that super personal and vulnerable knowledge of each other.

So despite what every commercial, movie, TV show, or book tells you right now; sex is not like eating a cake.  It’s not something you work off at the gym.  It stays.

The other thing society is spoon feeding us/our children is that you are never too young to be sexy.  Check out the Monster High dolls. 

Found these sexy little dolls when I was looking for a gift for my  neice for Christmas.  They were under the 5-7 year old category on

Found these sexy little dolls when I was looking for a gift for my neice for Christmas. They were under the 5-7 year old category on

Check out the Disney channel!  Why are these kids having boyfriends and girlfriends and kissing in the hall by the locker. 

From a Disney Channel show called Maddie On Deck.  I guess his name is Deck?  Note that she is the one making the move.  His hands aren't even on her.  Aggressive little thing, ain't she?

From a Disney Channel show called Maddie On Deck. I guess his name is Deck? Note that she is the one making the move. His hands aren’t even on her. Aggressive little thing, ain’t she?

Why are Justin Beiber and Selena Gomez singing about "love" when they are 14 or 15 years old?

I know.  I know, I was barely 16 when I “fell in love.”  I know that it can happen.  I also know that I really had no clue of what love was.  I can tell you that love has nothing to do with sex, however sex should have everything to do with love.  Love is a grown up concept.  It takes more than emotions to keep it going.  It’s a decision you make.  A commitment.  When you are 11 or 17 you are learning who you are.  That’s not the time to be amalgamating yourself to another person who has no idea who they are!  So don’t worry about falling in love and for sure don’t be having sex! 

Sex is not for children, therefore children don’t need to be trying to be sexy!  Dress your daughters modestly!  It is not cute for their butts to hang out of their shorts or for words to be written across the butt.  It is not cute for them to wear off the shoulder tops.  Or heels!  I remember a 5th grader that would come to the school in tight jeans and high heels.  I want to give her parents the benefit of the doubt and assume that she was changing clothes at the bus stop or something.  Why is she even thinking that she should dress that way to begin with?  Why does she want to?  Because every form of media out there is telling her to be sexy.  Grow up fast!

We should be preserving our youth’s childhood.  It’s so short!  Instead we have them on a hurry up and grow up track.  We’re doing it all backward though.  We are holding their hands and babying them by placating every child with a reward for participation instead of for actually winning or succeeding.  We guard them from consequences that they should experience in order to learn to cope with dissapointment and at the same time we are dressing them up like adults, peppering their cartoons with inuendos, telling them they are cute while they sing about one night stands and booze and teaching them about oral sex in freaking 5th grade!

True maturity is obtained over time.  You don’t wake up at age 11 and think, “Well, I think now I’m ready for a blow job.”  I’ve not talked to a single parent who likes this trend of expediting our children’s childhood.  So parents, my question to you then is why are we allowing it?

I’m not prude.  I don’t believe in hiding things from your children.  When we drive by a billboard with a half naked woman on it I’m not hollering for them to put on blinders.  When bad words are being said around them, we aren’t pulling out the ear muffs.  I do tell them, those things are not appropriate for them.  They are not for kids. 

It would be amazing if we parents could all pull together and stop buying from companies that use sex to sell their products or who are pushing sex in our kids faces.  Could you imagine?  I couldn’t shop at Victoria Secret because my son saw their billboard.  (And they are legitmately able to use sex to sell their product because that’s really what their product is about.  It’s sure not about comfort and support.  Pfft!)  We would all have to quit Disney.  It’s not gonna happen.  Good bye video games.  We’d likely starve because even food commercials will use sex to sell!  Soaps and shampoos.  Remember that commercial where the woman was having an orgasm because she was washing her hair?  I’m pretty sure no one bought that shampoo because they actually thought that it would give them and orgasm.  I’m pretty sure.

These stands have to be made by individuals.  They have to happen household to household.  Just because this is just “the way it is now” doesn’t mean it has to be this way in MY home.  I’m trying to raise gentlemen in a world that is pounding sexuality into your daughters.  Did you know that it’s the young women who are pressuring the boys now more than the other way around?  I’m not saying the boys are all innocent but what boy is going to turn down sex?  My Man waited for me but he also let me know it was all up to me.  If I was willing, so was he.

Your daughters need to know they are worth the wait.  If he doesn’t think so then he’s not worth giving it up to.  Our kids need to know that it’s not a race to adulthood and that dressing like an adult, talking like an adult, and participating in adult activities does not make them an adult.   They need to know that YOU know better than TV, movies, music and even better than the schools.  YOU know best.  And you have to believe that you do.

Just because this is “the way that is” doesn’t mean an ants ass to me.  It’s a cancer that needs to be faught.  I can’t remove it from the world but I can keep it from latching on to my children.  Not by hiding it from them but by teaching them MY way about it.



About buddyandbug

Man and I moved from Texas to Colorado with Buddy and Bug. This blog is a chronicle of our adventures as we deal with homesickness and adjust to Mountain Living. “If you are a dreamer,come in. If you are a dreamer, a wisher, a liar, a hoper, a prayer, a magic-bean-buyer. If you're a pretender, come sit by my fire, for we have some flax-golden tales to spin. Come in! Come in!” ~ Shel Silverstein
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4 Responses to That’s Just The Way It Is

  1. says:

    Back in the mid 90s, my dad told me how “dangerous” the show “Friends” was. I thought he was crazy. “What are you talking about, Dad??? It’s just a sit-com!” He said the show was clever and funny; all of the characters were sleeping around with each other, not to mention all the characters who stopped by for a few weeks for a fling. Because it was funny and clever, because this promiscuity was so normal and without consequence, young people watching it would see nothing wrong with it. And I thought about it…deeply…because when he made that statement, I thought he was being overly dramatic. Now I know better.

    • buddyandbug says:

      And I am a big fan of both Friends and Grey’s Anatomy. My mom made a similar statement about Friends and Seinfeld. Kudos to them to pointing those things out to us.

  2. sharib22 says:

    You have hit the nail on the head with this one! I am not a fan of the schools doing my job!!!

    • buddyandbug says:

      I don’t think the intention of the schools is to step in and do OUR job because we are the involved and active parents. There are many who won’t talk about sex with their kids because they are embarassed or they just don’t care. I get mad when they send notes home telling me what to feed my kids for breakfast before testing. Excuse me! I KNOW how to feed my children! The sad fact is, some parents don’t.

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