Lies! All Lies!

I laid in bed awhile this morning listening to the boys getting ready.  Buddy grumbled that he stayed up too late last night celebrating St. Patty’s Day. 

“Oh yeah!” Bug gasped, “My leprechaun house!” His exclamations were followed by a thundering rumble down the stairs.

Leprechaun house?  Oh great…

I could already see where this was heading.  Evidently Bug had some idea that he could catch a leprechaun or one would leave him a trinket or something.  If I was aware of such nonsense I might have played along.

It wasn’t long before Bug came sulking into my bed on the verge of tears.

“Mom…the leprechaun didn’t visit me,” he said in utter disbelief.

“What leprechaun, Honey?”

“The St. Patty’s Leprechaun.  I made him a house and left shamrocks and Irish coins in it just like my friend, did but he didn’t come!”

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Oh boy…

“Where did you get Irish coins?”

“From my friend.”

“Of course.  Maybe he did and you just can’t tell.  Maybe he checked it out and then went on to visit other leprechaun houses,” I suggested.

“Well then why didn’t he leave me any gold?  He left my friend real gold beads.”

“Probably you were supposed to leave the house out the day before St. Patrick’s Day,” chimed in Buddy, “not the night OF the day.”

Yes!  Excellent!

“Oh!  Is that what you did Bug?”

“Yes.  I set it all out last night.  My friend said it wouldn’t matter which day.”

“Well, clearly, she was wrong.  You usually have to do these things the night before.  That leprechaun has to get back to Ireland for all of the St. Patty’s Day festivities,” I said.

You are probably wondering why I didn’t just tell him that his friend was full of bologna.  This is a touchy matter.  If I tell Bug this isn’t true he will very likely run and tell his friend and thus destroying a fun tradition that she and her family has. 

OR

I tell him it’s not true and he starts to question the real magical holiday characters like Santa and the Easter Bunny.  I do like my  kids to enjoy some of these childhood mysteries!

However,  I’m getting rather intolerant of all of these new characters that have cropped up in the recent years.  In October, Bug cried because the Switch Witch didn’t come to visit.

“The who?”

“The Switch Witch.  My teacher told us all about her.  If you leave your Halloween Candy out she’ll take it and leave you a cool gift in it’s place.”

K.  I get where she is going with this.  The kids get to have the fun of trick-or-treating and then the nasty-bad-for-you-candy goes away.  It’s very clever but you know, I have to be aware of these lies if I’m going to play along.

“I left my candy out, just like she said to and NOTHING!” he cried.

“Oh Bug, that’s because Mommy doesn’t like witches and really doesn’t like the idea of one coming into her house so I left a note requesting she not come.  If you want you can give me all of your candy and I’ll buy you a special toy.”

“No way!  I walked all over the mountain to get this stuff!”

Well…it was worth a shot.

P.S. Bug has declared that he will not be trick-or-treating ever again because he has to walk so far (from the trailer that the neighbors pull to other neighbors doors) to only get ONE piece of candy per house!

Then there is the Elf On The Shelf business.  He pisses me off more than any of the others.  He doesn’t even leave you a treat, unless you count the messes he makes. 

“Why don’t we have an Elf On The Shelf?” the boys asked one evening.

“Because he’s a jerk.”

“What?!” they laughed.

“He’s just a tattle tale.  He sits in the house all day, spying on you and if you do anything wrong he tells Santa.  Mean time he’s having ravers with Barbie and T.P.-ing the Christmas tree when you sleep at night.  How is that OK?”

“Hahaha!  What’s a raver?” Buddy asked.

“Um…a wild party.”

“Can we have a raver?” asked Bug.

“Next question.”

“Then how does Santa know if we’ve been good or bad?” Bug asked.

“I’m not 100% sure.  I think he’s pretty tight with the Big Guy Upstairs.  Yeah.  I think God just lets him know.” 

You’ve gotta be quick people.

So here’s the deal parents:  I would like us to agree that any magical gift giving character such as the Tooth Fairy, Santa, etc. must be a 100 year old tradition or it’s bull.  That goes for Rudolph and Frosty.  I think those guys are only in their 50’s.  They are not real.  Also, can we agree on what they do?  Why are some people getting anything more than a dollar from the Tooth Fairy?  In my day it was a quarter or fifty cents.  Now kids are getting $10+!  Oh and glitter!  Some poeple’s Tooth Fairies are leaving glitter and then my kids are like, “What the what?  Maybe the Tooth Fairy doesn’t like us…” 

For the love of all that is holy on these holidays, at least give me a heads up on these lies.  I’m dancing like…I don’t know what, trying to preserve your holiday fun while making sure my sons don’t want to play along in the future.

Thank you and good day.

 

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About buddyandbug

Man and I moved from Texas to Colorado with Buddy and Bug. This blog is a chronicle of our adventures as we deal with homesickness and adjust to Mountain Living. “If you are a dreamer,come in. If you are a dreamer, a wisher, a liar, a hoper, a prayer, a magic-bean-buyer. If you're a pretender, come sit by my fire, for we have some flax-golden tales to spin. Come in! Come in!” ~ Shel Silverstein
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